OK. Even though two people admitted to reading this blog, I am still taking a new approach, for at least a post or two. I am going to attempt to examine my failings. Not that I haven't examined my failings before in this blog, but I have always wanted to make myself look funny, not stupid, vain, mean-spirited, or false. Perhaps through public confession I can expiate my sins.
Do you lie? Ever? I have still do sometimes and right after the falsehood slips out of my mouth I think, "Now why did you just say that?" In my effort to rid myself of this evil entirely, I have stopped to examine the motivation for each lie I tell. I can tell you with total honesty (note: usually when people start sentences with, "Honestly..." they are probably lying) that my lies are always motivated by my need to be seen as smart, creative, funny, wise, good and not, as I mentioned above, stupid, vain, mean-spirited, or false.
OK. Here's the latest and I pray my last lie. A friend, Jim, was praising me for a live event I recently created and produced with my husband. He said during his accolades,"...and you wrote the whole thing!"
"Ummm hmmm," I replied modestly. I did write nearly everything in the whole, entire program. Then he went on to say how much he enjoyed the executive director's speech, how moving it was. That is the one part of the program I didn't write.
Sadly, when he said, "and you wrote that!" I said, "ummm hmmm."
Wow. This is really hard to admit. I want to give more context. Want to give all the circumstances that make this not such a bald faced lie. And just by writing that I am making excuses to make sure that you two who read this don't think I am total jerk.
When it comes right down to it, there is no getting around it, I lied. I hate myself for that. I want to admit some other lie that was long ago, not this one that occurred yesterday. Will I feel better that I wrote this? (I really hope Jim doesn't read this because he is going to think less of me.) Why did I do that? Why didn't I say, "oh, well, THAT one thing I didn't write." Because I was desperately enjoying the praise he was heaping on me.
Seeking approval is something that will likely always be a part of me. Lying won't.
Do you lie? Ever? I have still do sometimes and right after the falsehood slips out of my mouth I think, "Now why did you just say that?" In my effort to rid myself of this evil entirely, I have stopped to examine the motivation for each lie I tell. I can tell you with total honesty (note: usually when people start sentences with, "Honestly..." they are probably lying) that my lies are always motivated by my need to be seen as smart, creative, funny, wise, good and not, as I mentioned above, stupid, vain, mean-spirited, or false.
OK. Here's the latest and I pray my last lie. A friend, Jim, was praising me for a live event I recently created and produced with my husband. He said during his accolades,"...and you wrote the whole thing!"
"Ummm hmmm," I replied modestly. I did write nearly everything in the whole, entire program. Then he went on to say how much he enjoyed the executive director's speech, how moving it was. That is the one part of the program I didn't write.
Sadly, when he said, "and you wrote that!" I said, "ummm hmmm."
Wow. This is really hard to admit. I want to give more context. Want to give all the circumstances that make this not such a bald faced lie. And just by writing that I am making excuses to make sure that you two who read this don't think I am total jerk.
When it comes right down to it, there is no getting around it, I lied. I hate myself for that. I want to admit some other lie that was long ago, not this one that occurred yesterday. Will I feel better that I wrote this? (I really hope Jim doesn't read this because he is going to think less of me.) Why did I do that? Why didn't I say, "oh, well, THAT one thing I didn't write." Because I was desperately enjoying the praise he was heaping on me.
Seeking approval is something that will likely always be a part of me. Lying won't.
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