Don't I look happy here? I am. I love to be surrounded by my children. I would be in Nirvana if Kathleen, Shef and Dan were in this picture. But I'm not in this company enough. (Once I get my Las Vegas pictures on the this computer I will share pics on one happy momma.) The issue I am considering here is my nagging emptiness.
Let's be clear about this. I have nothing to complain about. I have a challenging, stimulating job. I make a salary that allows me to buy the groceries I want and the Hess Select Cabernet Sauvignon I like. I can save some money. I have a large, warm, partially remodeled house in prestigious west Bloomington. I traded in my solid, somewhat-stodgy Passat wagon for a cute, almost frivolous, white beetle convertible. I have purchased a pair of shoes for $120 in the last 6 months. I've traveled to Cancun, Italy, Dominican Republic, and Las Vegas on vacation. I paid $175 to stand for 2 and a half hours in those expensive shoes waiting for Prince to play for me. By all measures, I've got it made.
More important than the things I have, are the people I love and who love me. The list is amazing long. You know who you are.
So given all that, why the nagging discontent? Why the longing? Why the great yawning emptiness?
I crave meaning. I desire deep, intense relationships. I want to be making a difference not just doing. This phase in my life feels detached and emptier than the days chock full of the needs of others, husband and children.
I keep thinking that I've spent a lifetime meeting others' needs and I just don't know mine.
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