In one day I got to see two of my children. Mary came to the office and we went to Open Book for lunch. Devin met me at Evolution, my hair salon (and his), and we walked to Fuji-Ya and had a drink and sushi. A two-fer! As I've mused out loud before, my relationships with these grown kids are new and foreign to me.
Last year I was accused of buying their love and attention. There was some truth to that. Being divorced, I felt fallen from grace and judged myself harshly. It's always easier to have a transactional relationship, one that operates within easily defined boundaries. The truth is, perhaps it's easier for them too.
But things have changed. I am ever-so-slowly becoming a better listener. I am honored and delighted when they seek my advice on a work or school issue. I love the role of human encyclopedia. Mary calls me for random facts. What's the meaning of ex-cathedra? Where's the University golf course? Should I cover a lasagna? There's nothing better than feeling needed. Devin recounts work situations, really just wanting me to listen. It's hard not to spout advice; I know I do. Kathleen, like me, is beyond busy and has more than her share of parents. And still, whenever I see her, I sense a cellular connection, some language that is spoken without words. Perhaps she knows me better than the other two because I didn't raise her. Thank goodness she trusts me to watch the genius grandson!
It's so easy to think you know your children inside out. And of course, you don't. It's also easy to take credit for who they are. And of course, you can't. All of my children are smart, independent, passionate, and creative. Each of them already has had a great impact on the world. How lucky I am to know them.
I have tried to stay about from this kind of personal entry. Couldn't help it. Lunch and dinner on Wednesday were the highlights of my week.
Last year I was accused of buying their love and attention. There was some truth to that. Being divorced, I felt fallen from grace and judged myself harshly. It's always easier to have a transactional relationship, one that operates within easily defined boundaries. The truth is, perhaps it's easier for them too.
But things have changed. I am ever-so-slowly becoming a better listener. I am honored and delighted when they seek my advice on a work or school issue. I love the role of human encyclopedia. Mary calls me for random facts. What's the meaning of ex-cathedra? Where's the University golf course? Should I cover a lasagna? There's nothing better than feeling needed. Devin recounts work situations, really just wanting me to listen. It's hard not to spout advice; I know I do. Kathleen, like me, is beyond busy and has more than her share of parents. And still, whenever I see her, I sense a cellular connection, some language that is spoken without words. Perhaps she knows me better than the other two because I didn't raise her. Thank goodness she trusts me to watch the genius grandson!
It's so easy to think you know your children inside out. And of course, you don't. It's also easy to take credit for who they are. And of course, you can't. All of my children are smart, independent, passionate, and creative. Each of them already has had a great impact on the world. How lucky I am to know them.
I have tried to stay about from this kind of personal entry. Couldn't help it. Lunch and dinner on Wednesday were the highlights of my week.
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