Coloring Inside the Line

You, my tiny handful of readers know that I have been seeing an executive coach. Her name is Lila. Two of the primary areas I have been working on are; 1. boundaries and 2. my tendency to be a pleaser. Of course these two things are inextricably bound together. When I so desperately want to please--my mother, my boyfriend, my teacher, my boss, my client--I suddenly find myself slip sliding across boundaries between us that I had sworn I wouldn't cross. Here's a very small example of how easy it is for a pleaser to find herself on the wrong side of the line:

Boss: You're in charge of that pitch; you're the creative director. You can't let those fuckers sabotage the whole thing.
Pleaser: Yeah, fuck them.
Boss: Right.

In that tiny three-line exchange, which may have actually ocurred, the pleaser abandons her values of respect and collaboration, misrepresents her intentions, impugns her colleagues, and debases herself with foul language. She slithers across boundaries to "please" her boss and in the end, discovers she has pleased no one and lost herself.

Thank goodness I was slapped across the face with the threat of termination and "sentenced" to coaching with Lila. I have found my center (for the most part) and have learned I can inspire, lead and love with greater verve and potency with a solid outline around me and by coloring inside the line.